Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Do Zombies Poop?

Okay, I was talking to my little niece and the subject of zombies somehow came up. She asked me “Do zombies poop?” I didn't have an answer. Technically, if someone eats they eventually gotta go. But zombies aren't like your average folk.

First of all, a zombie is supposed to be dead, right? So why would it even need to eat? Then they somehow have a craving for live people. I mean, you never see a zombie eating a road kill. No, that would be too convenient because they wouldn't have to kill any people and they would basically be cleaning up the roadways.

Also, zombies go around saying “brains” because I guess it's some kind of delicacy to them yet they eat pretty much any part of the person they kill or attack. And another thing, how can they even see when their eyes are rotting out of their head? I have to wear reading glasses and have some vision problems and I'm pretty much alive for the most part.

Okay, so now the zombie eats. How does he even digest anything? Seriously. I would think that a dead person might have some problems digesting things. Besides, how many times have you seen a zombie with its intestines and other organs hanging out? That has to interfere with proper digestion. I get indigestion if I eat certain foods and my intestinal tract is fully intact. And how come a zombie never gets heartburn when they eat just about anything?

How are zombies able to walk or move? Their brains are rotting. How does a decomposing brain send a signal to a body part to get it to move? And the funny thing is, you have to poke it in the brain to kill it! Ya gotta be kidding me.

So, in conclusion, since none of it makes any sense anyway and zombies do eat and it's gotta go somewhere, I would have to deduce that, yes, zombies probably do poop. They are just very discrete about it.

Photo Credit: "The Quacking Dead" by Bob Craypoe, also known as R. L. Crepeau

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